It’s been a while, just like always. I really try to post more often, but then there are other things to do and I completely forget about blogging and letting you guys know what’s going on in my life. But as I found some time to do so, let me tell you a few things that have been on my mind recently. First of all, I decided that I wanna do more blogposts in English. I don’t know why, but somehow it’s easier for me to say things in English. At least sometimes. Like the personal stuff. I’m so bad at talking about my feelings or apologizing (if I ever apologize for something, you either really mean a lot to me or I honestly messed up). As I’m talking in German most of the time, these emotional things might also be connected to the german language and I don’t feel so insecure talking about them in English. Maybe. But maybe it’s also because I only read english articles on other blogs, english news or quotes, watch english videos and movies. I also read english books, sometimes it get’s a little hard to follow the line to be honest, but that’s a good way to improve my English skills. And that’s what I aim for. I’d looooove to live somewhere in the US, Australia or maybe even in London some day.
Sadly, I don’t have an american passport as my sister and many other family members do. And if I don’t wan to marry an american guy or an Aussie, I gotta work hard and finally figure out what I wanna do with my life. And to be honest, I really chase my dreams and maybe I am a bit desperate sometimes, but I mean.. not THAT desperate to get married for this reason haha. I wanna do my own thing and live an independent and self-determined life. I don’t wanna depend on anybody else. Never ever. There are so many things I’m interested in, but “school-sucks-lea“ ruined the opportunity to study most of the things I’d like to. So now I’m sitting here, thinking about all the chances which were given to me and which I didn’t take, because I thought of even better ones to come ahead. I can be SO stubborn sometimes, you just can’t imagine. And it sucks. If I really want something, I simply don’t accept a “no“. But as life happens to be, there are way to many “no’s“ for my taste. So I probably get mad a bit too often and a bit too easily. And it honestly takes years, at least sometimes, to achieve my goals and wishes.
So sometimes, I just “change“ my wish. So maybe there’s been a “no“ at the beginning, but as soon as I changed my point of view, the “no“ is gone and I feel kinda happy ‘couse I achieved my goals. Does that make sense to anybody out there except me? You probably think I’m a weirdo and yes, that’s so damn true. Everyone who gets to know me closer once hits the point where he’s like “Wow, I really thought you were arrogant when I first met you, but now as I know you better you are just a total goof.“ - "Thanks mate, love to hear that, that's so nice of you.." I heard from a lot of people that I seemed arrogant and a bit posh when they first met me. But I’m not. The truth is, I’m a shy person at the beginning. I have to check out the person in front of me before I can talk to them and open up myself. So don’t judge people for your first impression of them. Try to get to know them better and accept that people might be completely different than you have excepted them to be. At least try to, that's what I'm always telling myself. So here are some more facts about me.
I am either super lazy or extremely hard working
There is no in between. So on some days, I wake up super early, write a to do list and just get things done till the evening, when I finally fall asleep. And then there are days where I just lay in my bed the whole day (it takes hours till I finally get up and have food - sometimes even eating is too exhausting). On these days, I never leave the house, because I pretty much look (and probably smell) like a street mutt.
I always win the discussion
Simply because I know I’m always right. Don’t wanna sound arrogant here, but I wouldn’t have started the discussion otherwise. So I just don’t accept being wrong. I never am.
I like books a lot better than movies
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing better than a movie night in PJs and some nachos with cheese sauce, but reading has something more personal and calming. YOU decide how the characters behave and what the scenery looks like. It has something more imaginatively. That’s what I like about reading.
I love marine life
As a child, my family and I always went to the beach on the weekend and I spent so much time collecting shells, building sand castles or searching for crabs or jellyfish. I was always fascinated by the diversity of the animals living in the ocean and by the secrets the deep blue keeps. Later, when I went to school, I decided that I wanted to become a researcher, a marine biologist or a diver. I wanted to safe dolphins, whales and other endangered species and to help saving the ocean. As I grew up, things changed a lot and I don’t know if I still have the chance to work somewhere in this business, but anyways, being by the ocean is the best feeling ever. I still watch and read a lot about it and I hope that one day I might be able to live somewhere near the sea.
I wanna do a journey around the world
Do you remember these little books you passed around your class in elementary school and everybody wrote some personal things into it? The so called “book buddies“ with some random questions about your favorite food, what are your hobbies or what is your biggest wish? I always answered the last question the same way, ever since I went to second grade. “A journey around the world.“ I wanna see every single corner of our beautiful planet and that’s why I ALWAYS say yes to journeys, no matter where I’m going. If I have the chance to, I take it.
I hate insectes
Like, not everyone, but the pretty much everything with a sting. As a child I got stung twice by a wasp, one time in the bare sole of my foot and the other time in my mouth. And it fucking hurt. And then there are dragon-flies. Not the normal ones, which are tiny and look almost like a butterfly. I’m talking about the ones who sound like a giant drone, looking like little fighting machines with their heavy bodies and their oversized wings. As a kid, I always cruised through our hood on my tricycle and these little devils hunted me. I swear. Everyone who has ever been to Florida knows what I’m talking about.
I have a very sensitive nose
I know that sounds a bit like a wanna be Sherlock, but I smell things so easily. I can tell by the scent in our house, who was or is there, right before I hear them, even if they don’t wear perfume. But that’s not always fun. Like when you’re at a club or walk through the city in summer and you smell all of these sweaty people.. Naaa, I could definitely live without it.
I love dogs
The freak who always goes completely crazy when there’s a dog, even if it might be far away on the other side of the street and normal (not dog-crazy people) wouldn’t even realize there is one? That’ll be me. I love every dog, but I’m not that much into these little attention-junkies, barking 24/7. And I don’t understand why the heck people carry dogs in their handbags or even in a stroller. IT’S A DOG, not a baby. I think it just looks so stupid and ridiculous. There is absolutely nothing cute about it.
I used to be a vegetarian
Yes, it’s hard to believe if you see me eating tons of bacon for breakfast, juicy burgers for lunch and fresh sushi for dinner. But six or seven years ago, I didn’t eat anything of that. I never ate a lot meat, so I thought “Why not becoming a vegetarian?“. So I did and I've done quite well. But then we wen’t on vacation to America. And then there was In-N-Out Burger. And then it got out of control. I don’t have to go on, right?
I always dance and sing
Literally, ALWAYS. As soon as I get home, I take my stereo to the bathroom, connect it with my phone, lock the door and start dancing around to the music. My whole family is hating on me, but I really don’t care. My inner Hannah Montana needs to come out on some days and that’s the best way for me to calm down.
I really enjoy everything old-fashioned and vintage
I just like looking at old pictures, browsing through old books or visiting museums, where they have for example old-timers. I also love secondhand shops and flea markets. It’s the best feeling when you find some fancy clothes or vintage jewelry for a low price and you can be sure that not every second girl you walk by will have it. Vintage has something unique to it and that’s what I like about it so much.
I am not Russian
Haha, well, need to explain this one to you. It doesn’t matter where I’m going, wether it’s the US or just somewhere in Europe, 99.9% of the people say things like: “ You are Russian, right?“ or “Hey girl, from where in Russia do you come?“ The funniest thing ever was when me and my mom went on a hiking trip to Spain and a group of young musicians even started talking to me in Russian and I was just like.. „Nope, I’m sorry guys, I don’t get you.“ I was wearing hiking gear and no make up at all, so the Russian touch does definitely not depend on my red lipstick and the fur coat!
I love food
Yes, every girl says that. But I honestly do. If you ever want to make me happy, buy me food. Or better, take me to a restaurant (italian, japanese, mexican - it doesn't really matter), where I can sit the whole evening and enthuse about the good food. I don’t need to go bungee jumping or skydiving to feel completely happy. I just need a good company and an even better meal.
I cry a bit too often
I usually never do that in public, because I feel a bit ashamed. But I do cry when I’m alone. It’s not necessarily because I feel sad, it’s because I sometimes get overwhelmed by so many feelings and I just feel like crying helps me letting go of them. On some days, even the tiniest things make me cry, like when I watch romantic movies or listen to music with powerful lyrics. Sometimes I cry, because I’m super hungry and on other days I cry when an animal in a Disney movie dies. And sometimes I start to cry if I get the tiniest hint of a wrong comment from someone, simply just because i’m having a shitty day and just as much as a "booh!" gets me crumbling down.
I lived in the US
To be exact, I lived in Florida and New Jersey. It was only for three years and I was a little child, but I still remember going to the beach with my parents on the weekend, my kindergarten or how our houses looked like. The mall we always went shopping, the beach boulevard where we had food or the pool where I learned how to swim with only three years. I miss this time so bad and I often think about how my life would have went if we hadn’t moved back to Germany. Many relatives of mine live in the US and I really enjoy being in this beautiful country. I don’t know why, but I feel happier when I’m over there.
I wanna speak more languages
Languages are the key to the world and to new encounters. I truly believe that many problems in this world would disappear if people will be able to talk to each other in one and the same language instead of having a translator all the time. And because I love the variety of languages on this planet and I’d love to be able to speak more languages than I do speak at the moment.
I am totally into documentaries
Whenever I feel like, I switch on the tv and start watching documentaries on Netflix. I am interested in nearly every topic: Wether it’s about the genesis of the universe, snakes in the african jungle or about my favorite topic - the ocean. I just enjoy gaining more knowledge about our beautiful planet.
I feel super happy when I can make other people happy
I think it’s the best feeling in the entire world when other people smile and you know YOU are the reason for that. I like being surprised, but I like it even better when I surprise others. Seeing them happy makes me realize that my time and thoughts were worth it.
I am a total organizing freak
"To do" lists, "To buy" lists, "To pack" lists, "To do while traveling" lists - I could go one. I ALWAYS write lists to get things done. Otherwise, I just forget about important stuff or am not enough motivated to get my stuff together and end up not doing anything important at all.
I love buying stuff for school
Ever since I was a child and went to first grade, I loved loved loved buying new folders, pencil cases or rubbers that were shaped like a peanut or flip flops and other random stuff, which obviously no one really needs, but I was convinced I needed them to survive at school. I still like to browse through book stores and stationary stores to look for „unnecessary" things like that.